BUILDING EXCEPTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS

Your Facebook is not the real networking. Go out there and create some real-life relations if you want your career to succeed.

Hi there friends.

let's talk a bit about the types of people, the relations they build, and the interactions between them.

To be successful we need three things: motivation, ability, and opportunity. Motivation moves towards willingness to find solutions, ability creates solutions, and opportunity helps us to come upon the best solution. But there is another more powerful ingredient that helps the smart managers to achieve great success – the interaction with other people.

Interaction with others is a process that has to be built. It takes time, but in Pinch of Laziness we have a lot of time.

You may notice that some people have created a charisma and everyone else wants to work with them, to be around them, to team up with them and to help them in their projects. Those people manage to build extraordinary relations with the others.

How do they achieve that?

Imagine a customer that gets mad to a degree that he wants to sue your company. A business partner that is so upset and want to quit the deal. Or even a friend that feels offended and doesnt want to talk with the others anymore. Sometimes, whatever the issue and regardless of who is actually at fault, some people step in and take the hit. They're willing to accept the criticism or abuse because they know they can handle it. They are willing to help and to solve the situation.

It's easy to help when you're asked. Many people will but very few people offer help before they have been asked. People who build extraordinary relationships pay close attention so they can tell when others are struggling. Then they offer to help, but not in a general, "Is there something I can do to help you?" way. This help, even when is little makes a huge impact.

The people who builds great relationships doesn't think about what he/she wants but thinks about what he/she can give. How he/she can contribute. It doesn’t sound logical in the beginning and you may say that those people would handle only a charity job and will fail in the real business. You may be right to some extend but let’s take look at the greater picture.

Who the hell, you may ask, wants to help and give like that without taking anything back? This one should be a complete looser that will never succeed. You may be right but let us look at the three types of people we can recognize according to their interactions with the others: takers givers and matchers.

The takers are people who, when they walk into an interaction with another person, are trying to get as much as possible from that person and contribute as little as they can in return, thinking that’s the shortest and most direct path to achieving their own goals. When we are under the pressure of ongoing project, especially if it is very important for us, being takers is feeling the most natural thing. You can often say: let me achieve my goal now and later I will think how to compensate the others. I need the help of everyone and one day I will see how I can help you. Those people will prefer to be respected for their achievements and success, and they don’t really care if the others like them personally.

The givers on the other side are looking to help others by making an introduction, giving advice, providing mentoring or sharing knowledge, without any strings attached. It’s not about donation of money or volunteering, but supporting. These givers actually prefer to be on the contributing end of an interaction. These are people who care about others opinion and they would prefer to be accepted as “good” and helpful and to be liked.

Very few of us are only takers or givers. Most of us hover are combination of both. That brings us to the third group of people - the matchers.

A matcher is somebody who tries to maintain an even balance of give and take. I will help you in exchange of your help. They keep score of exchanges, so that everything is fair and really just. Not only in the business but also among friends and family relations we can witness such interactions.

From all what was said it seems logical enough, that in the business, givers end up at the bottom of the pile. Because obviously if you are focused on giving more to others than taking back, then it’s quite likely that you will end up at the bottom.

So how the three types of characters perform? How they fit in the organization? Who is on the top?

The professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania Adam Grant made a research on that topic (published his book Give and Take), and came up with very interesting data.

In the workplace, givers are a relatively rare breed. They prefer to give more than they get. Whereas takers tend to be self-focused, evaluating what other people can offer them, givers are other-focused, paying more attention to what other people need from them.

Takers on the other side look how the others can contribute to their cause. How to exploit them.

In one study, when more than 160 professional engineers in California rated one another on help given and received, the least successful engineers were those who gave more than they received. These givers had the worst achievement scores in their firm for the number of tasks, technical reports, drawings completed, deadlines missed, and money wasted. Going out of their way to help others prevented them from getting their own work done. Across occupations, it appears that givers are just too caring, too trusting, and too willing to sacrifice their own interests for the benefit of others. Research demonstrates that givers can easily sink to the bottom of the success ladder.

But then who is on the top? The takers are very focused in their personal success, but they also often burn bridges and are not likely to become inspiring and motivating managers. They can reach the top but stay there for short. So remaining the matchers who are more generous than takers, but also protect their own interests.

Surprisingly Adam Grant found in his research that at the top are predominantly givers again. So they are at the bottom and at the top. The answer is more about the strategies givers use and the choices they make. We all have goals for our own individual achievements, and it turns out that successful givers are every bit as ambitious as takers and matchers. They simply have a different way of pursuing their goals. Imagine (from your experience) a manager who will push you to the end to work and will also throw you a part of his work. he will go through dead bodies for his own success. Imagine now a manager that you loved. One who will sit down with you when you are in a trouble and will help you solve the problem. Now you got what I mean.

I am a giver (though not 100%) and I believe that I am successful in my job. I have always achieved one of the best results without overworking myself. My friends often joked that I want everyone to like me so I spend more time helping others, than working on my own targets. During the time I worked in sales (long time ago) I didn’t care if the customer will buy my products and services but if he/she will be satisfied with my service. My aim was when a customer hears my name or my company’s name to think about high value partner. I never asked a customer to buy in order to get my support and I always ended up with the best results. The most productive sales people are actually those who put their customers’ interests first. All that comes from the trust and the good will that they have built, but also, the reputations that they've created. I realized with the time that the trust, respect and reputation you build is a lot more valuable than the hard work you put. Building relations of trust and respect is a slow process achieved by a lot of giving. Today I use my experience to help others in the company to achieve excellent results. I am not in the sales anymore and my target is to work with the others and coach them how to become successful.

The most of the people are matchers. A matcher is somebody who really believes in a just world. Of course, a taker violates that belief. Matchers cannot stand to see takers get ahead by taking advantage of other people. The data on this suggests that matchers will often go around trying to punish them, often by gossiping and spreading negative reputational information. Just as matchers hate seeing takers get away with exploitation, they also hate to see people act really generously and not get rewarded for it. Matchers will often go out of their way to promote and help and support givers, to make sure they actually do get rewarded for their generosity. That could one of the dynamics behind the rise of givers.

Networking

Takers have broad networks. In part, because when they burn one bridge, they have to go and find new people to exploit, in order to keep the network going. To exist and succeed they need a broad network.

Matchers tend to have much narrower networks. They will typically only exchange with people who have helped them in the past or who they expect to be able to help them in the future. They end up restricting their universe of opportunities.

Givers tend to build much broader networks than matchers, but in a very different way than takers. They create these exceptional relationships that work for them in the future. Everywhere I worked before, in different countries around the world, I always built strong contacts. These contacts are still ready and willing to work with me. The first time I met an old customer I haven’t seen from ages he looked happy to see me and the first thing he said was “You know I am always ready to work again with you”. That feeling is great and motivating. Than I realized that the relations are everything.

But let’s not fool ourselves. It is extremely rare to be 100% giver or taker. All of us have something from both. We are different degree matchers. The answer is what is stronger in us. Do you feel like helping the others or more using them for your cause?

Building extraordinary relations is a slower process that may not bring immediate results, but in a long run will bring you those results that you dream of.

#success #relations #relationship #takers #givers #networking